i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
