The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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