I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
