Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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