she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
