WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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