What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
