Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
