dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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