I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
