She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
