she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
