You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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