Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
