i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
