No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
