YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
