Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize