I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
