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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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