Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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