She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
