My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
