God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize