My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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