the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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