So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
