you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
