I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
