We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The air was thick with penises
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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