Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
