Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
please come you make the beer taste better
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
