If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
