i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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