Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
