last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
