the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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