I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
