If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
