If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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