I'm going to jail i love you
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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