Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
