white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
