i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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