Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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