you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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