I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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