is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
