He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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