It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
