just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
