The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
