i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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