the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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