even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
