A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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