david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
