I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
