i don't like sucking hair
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
