no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
