Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
