Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
