You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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