Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I still have a little drunk in my system
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
