Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
