Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
