Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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