Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
