new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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